Wednesday, 17 December 2008

leading ladies

Recently Nancy Beach did a post about herself and her husband leading a service together.

http://nancybeach.typepad.com/nancy_beach/2008/12/marriage-counseling-needed.html

It got me thinking. I decided to post my comment on her blog to my blog and see what others thought:

I have been doing a lot of thinking about leadership as a couple. What happens in a situation where your church is a lot smaller - like a membership of 115, both have the gift of leadership (at least one being a remunerated pastor)and both feel called to be part of the strategic leadership of the church. Possible? Impossible?

Do the sparks have the potential to have harmful effects on the marriage or the church or both? Should one partner step back...how would this type of situation be resolved?

I have been told that both being on the strategic leadership team would be detrimental to the marriage and that the situation should be avoided. I would love to hear your view.

5 comments:

worship1 said...

Hi Louise. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. It's nice to meet a new friend and fellow worship leader.

Concerning "Leading Ladies" I'd like to add my 2 cents.

Short answer: submission and humility

Long answer: My husband is the senior pastor of our church of about 200 people, I'm the worship ministry director. We've been serving the Lord in this relationship for 12 years. It's always been a bit funny to us and sometimes laugh about God creating us as a 'package deal'.

I don't know if this kind of ministry works for everyone, but we have had such a blessed time preparing services and events together. I can't say there's never been sparks, but mostly they are created when one of us gets tunnel vision instead of God's vision and we lose our humility.

What makes our relationship in ministry work is our understanding that a senior pastor is the shepherd of the flock just as the husband is the head of the wife, Ephesians 4. If I submit to my husband, as unto the Lord, sparks are quenched.

Point: If a wife can submit to her husband then there should be no problem submitting to her pastor if he is her husband.

Even if both believe their vision is inspired by God, Scripture teaches that we are to submit one to another, Ephesians 5:21 and 1 Peter 5:5. Again the sparks are quenched.

People really hate that 'submit' word. They feel stifled, but the truth is, it's a Christlike characteristic. Christ was equal with God and yet he submitted to God's will and went to the cross for me. Paul admonishes us to have the same mind that Christ had in submitting to the will of God. Philippians 2:5-8

In light of the submission of Christ it's really not such a bad thing to submit, and do it with joy.

cosima

lk said...

Thanks for your insight, Cosima

I don't have an issue with the submit word, I don't think. For me it's those tricky things where the two perspectives differ and you can't resolve it.

I'm happy to submit, as I believe someone has to have the final say - and that person will stand before God with their decisions - but it's the working out and resolution of the thoughts and feelings over that time period. I just feel that it's true that this is more difficult for a married couple, because the differences in perspective go home with you, too.
A difference of perspective and opinion with a leader outside of your home would affect you differently.

My wondering now is, I guess, not so much about whether or not this could be damaging, but whether the steps to reduce damage were sufficient for the couple to both be effective within strategic leadership AND maintain a healthy, growing marriage.

And what steps others have found to work?

PNA said...

The answer is strictly scriptural and nobody can argue with the Word.
It is easy to find, easy to understand and should be easy to follow. Women are instructed to keep quiet in church. This does not mean that as a woman you submit to the Pastor. There is authority in the church Elders that All the congregation come under.
Just because a women should keep quiet in church does not mean she does not play an important part in the church - she does.
Gayle is a very strong person and demands equality in all issues except this one. Prov. 31:10-31 says it all. Men may be head of the household, but marriage is picture of Christ and the Church. Christ does not rule us He works through us. We still have choice and He allows us that choice. Men should remember that they have become one flesh and they need to treat their wives as a part of their own bodies. Most men I know would not mistreat themselves - would not allow their mate to "rule" over them - that needs to be the way they think.
Now you have my point of view and Scriptural point of view

lk said...

Hi P

Thanks for your perspective. I appreciate all comments. I don't concur with all your views on women in leadership and in general, otherwise I might still be wearing a headcovering to church, but I agree that men and women bring different things to roles in the church and that we need to search God's Word for what He requires.

Lori Biddle said...

I am the Director of Magnification at our church, in charge of all things creative...music, art, communion teams, drama team, set design and all things technical. We are a ministry of 2,500 (special events draw 5,000ish). I have no idea how I got this job, but, been doing it for 10 years now), my husband has been on staff about 4 or 5 years...

My husband is over all the membership care (huge never ending job!).

Although we disagree with one another's stand on decisions or direction, I am not exaggerating EVERY TIME we talk something out he is 9 times out of 10 right! So after 30 years of marriage we speak very openly with one another, and yes we do take it home, ok, so the discussion basically never stops...but no lie he's almost always right. Drives me crazy. But, he is so humble and laid back he never says, "told you so". So, I feel safe in expressing my views.

He also gives me lots of credit because the pastor and he say I have a Godly intuition about people that they don't have. So, they ask my opinion. I feel after 10 years, we all have respect for one another and we allow each other to use our gifts. I have never had a strong difference of opinion with my husband that couldn't be resolved so far - praise God!

We went into this promising if one of us didn't agree strategically with the direction of the church and the other still felt called to be there, we would honor that calling and not be negative or talk them into leaving.

Hope this helps in some crazy way!